You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
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