Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
Randomize