hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
Randomize
