Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
they say Disney World is the happiest place on Earth. It's a close second to the Super 8 on route 18. That place holds some great memories.
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
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