I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
Randomize
