I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize
