i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
My balls are so social today.
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
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