So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
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