it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
Randomize
