in my opinion joe jonas is kinda pointless. hes just the pretty boy front runner.
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
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