Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize
