I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
Randomize
