It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Randomize
