who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
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