Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
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