you guys were way drunker than both of me
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
Randomize
