I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
Randomize
