So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
I just blew my weed a kiss
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize
