She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
Randomize
