You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
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