I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
Randomize
