Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
Randomize
