Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
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