My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
Randomize
