Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
Randomize
