theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
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