i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
Randomize
