A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
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