Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
Randomize
