she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
