you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
