I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
Randomize
