Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
