Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
Randomize
