I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
Randomize
