Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
Randomize