My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
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