It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
