i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
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