You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
Randomize
