Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
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