you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
Randomize
