She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
Randomize
