I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
So many bounce houses so little time
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
Randomize
