yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
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