they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
i need to put some appletini on your dick
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
Randomize
