haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
