the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
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