dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
