My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
I think my nap took me to another dimension
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
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