I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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