$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Randomize
