Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
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