On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
My vagina just recognized that song.
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
