I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
