wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
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