It's what's on the inside that counts(972): They probably have big open vaginas so the inside is no good
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
Randomize
