the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
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