I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
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