physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
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