i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
Randomize
