Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
Randomize
