just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
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