final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
MIDGETS
????
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
Randomize
