Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
I'm experimenting with sincerity
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
