What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
