"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
Randomize
