Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Randomize
