Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
Randomize
