The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
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