dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
I DEMAND FORESKIN
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
Randomize
