Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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