i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
