There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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